Macedonian Humour

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  • Prolet
    Senior Member
    • Sep 2009
    • 5241

    A heaven is in Macedonia
    >
    >
    > An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the
    > world.
    >
    > So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando , thinking that
    > he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.
    >
    > On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
    > noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
    > '$10,000 per call'.
    >
    > The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what
    > the telephone was used for.
    >
    > The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
    > $10,000 you could talk to God.
    >
    > The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
    >
    > Next stop was in Atlanta . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the
    > same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it.
    >
    > He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and
    > he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
    >
    > She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he
    > could talk to God.
    >
    > 'O.K., thank you,' said the American .
    >
    > He then traveled all across America, England ,Japan, New Zealand,
    > Australia....Europe....
    > In every church he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same
    > '$US10,000 per call' sign under it.
    >
    > The American decided to travel to Macedonia to see if Macedonians had
    > the same phone.
    >
    > He arrived at Western Macedonia,Ohrid and again, in the first church he
    > entered, there was the same looking golden telephone, but this time the
    > sign under it read '40 denars per call.' (e.g. $1)
    >
    > The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
    > 'Father, I've traveled all over the world and I've seen this same golden
    > telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
    > but in all of them price was $10,000 per call.
    >
    > Why is it so cheap here?'
    >
    > The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Macedonia now, son - "This is
    > Heaven," so it's a local call'.
    > KEEP SMILING
    МАКЕДОНЕЦ си кога кавал ќе ти ја распара душата,зурла ќе ти го раскине срцето,кога секое влакно од кожата ќе ти се наежи кога ќе видиш шеснаесеткрако сонце,кога до коска ќе те заболи кога ќе слушнеш ПЈРМ,кога немаш ни за леб,а полн си во душата затоа што ја сакаш МАКЕДОНИЈА. МАКЕДОНИЈА во срце те носиме.

    Comment

    • Prolet
      Senior Member
      • Sep 2009
      • 5241

      Here is a classic from Prilep

      МАКЕДОНЕЦ си кога кавал ќе ти ја распара душата,зурла ќе ти го раскине срцето,кога секое влакно од кожата ќе ти се наежи кога ќе видиш шеснаесеткрако сонце,кога до коска ќе те заболи кога ќе слушнеш ПЈРМ,кога немаш ни за леб,а полн си во душата затоа што ја сакаш МАКЕДОНИЈА. МАКЕДОНИЈА во срце те носиме.

      Comment

      • Makedonetz
        Senior Member
        • Apr 2010
        • 1080

        Hip Hop Baba

        Makedoncite se borat
        za svoite pravdini!

        "The one who works for joining of Macedonia to Bulgaria,Greece or Serbia can consider himself as a good Bulgarian, Greek or Serb, but not a good Macedonian"
        - Goce Delchev

        Comment

        • Prolet
          Senior Member
          • Sep 2009
          • 5241

          Drle, Here is something in Albanian

          МАКЕДОНЕЦ си кога кавал ќе ти ја распара душата,зурла ќе ти го раскине срцето,кога секое влакно од кожата ќе ти се наежи кога ќе видиш шеснаесеткрако сонце,кога до коска ќе те заболи кога ќе слушнеш ПЈРМ,кога немаш ни за леб,а полн си во душата затоа што ја сакаш МАКЕДОНИЈА. МАКЕДОНИЈА во срце те носиме.

          Comment

          • Bratot
            Senior Member
            • Sep 2008
            • 2855

            The purpose of the media is not to make you to think that the name must be changed, but to get you into debate - what name would suit us! - Bratot

            Comment

            • SBEPOT
              Junior Member
              • Aug 2010
              • 20

              54575 I used my steel cap boots on this skata. Launched her all the way to Epirus LOL

              Comment

              • SBEPOT
                Junior Member
                • Aug 2010
                • 20

                135048 - very addictive haha

                Comment

                • Prolet
                  Senior Member
                  • Sep 2009
                  • 5241

                  This one is a classic with Ferus Mustafov being caught on candid camera lol

                  YouTube - skriena kamera ferus mustafa hehe
                  МАКЕДОНЕЦ си кога кавал ќе ти ја распара душата,зурла ќе ти го раскине срцето,кога секое влакно од кожата ќе ти се наежи кога ќе видиш шеснаесеткрако сонце,кога до коска ќе те заболи кога ќе слушнеш ПЈРМ,кога немаш ни за леб,а полн си во душата затоа што ја сакаш МАКЕДОНИЈА. МАКЕДОНИЈА во срце те носиме.

                  Comment

                  • SBEPOT
                    Junior Member
                    • Aug 2010
                    • 20

                    A Greek cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
                    when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
                    'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
                    'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
                    The cop looked the bike over and handed
                    the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
                    The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put
                    a reflector light on the back of it!
                    The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
                    'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'
                    Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
                    'Yes, he sure did!'
                    The little girl looked up at the cop and said:
                    'Next year tell Santa;
                    The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!

                    Comment

                    • SBEPOT
                      Junior Member
                      • Aug 2010
                      • 20

                      Two Greek priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
                      Father Kypros says he has soap in his room and goes to get it,
                      not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his
                      way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes
                      like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. 'Oh look ' says the first nun, 'it's a soap dispenser'. To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, Then
                      twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells... 'O KYRIA, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO

                      Comment

                      • SBEPOT
                        Junior Member
                        • Aug 2010
                        • 20

                        What's black, ugly,hairy and keeps scratching the window????
                        *
                        *
                        *
                        *
                        Greek inside the oven.

                        Comment

                        • SBEPOT
                          Junior Member
                          • Aug 2010
                          • 20

                          A fleeing Greek soldier, desperate for water, was trudging through the Pajak Mountain when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old local Macedonian man at a small stand selling ties.

                          The Greek asked, "Do you have water?"

                          The Macedonian man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only 5 eu."

                          The Greek shouted, "MALAKA! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

                          "OK, OK" said the old Macedonian man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water and beer you need. ."

                          Muttering, the Greek soldier staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead... "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

                          Comment

                          • SBEPOT
                            Junior Member
                            • Aug 2010
                            • 20

                            Cvetko calls into work and says, "Hey, I'm not coming to work today, I'm really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I'm not coming to work."

                            The boss says, "You know something, Cvetko, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

                            Two hours later Cvetko calls again. "I did what you said and I feel great. I'll be at work soon... You've got a nice house."

                            Comment

                            • SBEPOT
                              Junior Member
                              • Aug 2010
                              • 20

                              A Greek man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

                              The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

                              L: Have you any grounds?

                              P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

                              L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

                              P: It made of concrete.

                              L: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

                              P: No, we have carport, and not need one.

                              L: I mean. What are your relations like?

                              P: All my relations still in Greece?

                              L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

                              P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

                              L: Does your wife beat you up?

                              P: No, I always up before her.

                              L: Is your wife a nagger?

                              P: No, she white.

                              L: Why do you want this divorce?

                              P: She going to kill me.

                              L: What makes you think that?

                              P: I got proof.

                              L: What kind of proof?

                              P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Grease Remover'

                              Comment

                              • DedoAleko
                                Member
                                • Jun 2009
                                • 969

                                Q: Zoshto na slonot mu se zeleni jajcata?

                                A: Za slonicata koga ke mu go pushi da si odmara ochite.

                                Comment

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