Macedonian Humour

[The LION will ROAR]

A young Greek girl is going to get married. Not long before her wedding her mother sits her down for a heart to heart.
" listen my darling little toula you know what Greek boys can be like. Don't let him bully you into performing the act of copulation in the wrong recepticle". Good little toula agrees.
A couple of weeks after they have been married mummy and daughter sit down for a chat.
" now darling do you remember what I told you about your husband planting his love lance in the wrong place?" " Oh yes mummy you have nothing to worry about he is still sticking it in my ar$e".
Moral of the story is that Greek civilisation has only survived due to male greeks accidently putting it in the "wrong" place.

[The LION will ROAR]

Vulk Makedonski at PIZZA LIVE part 1



Vulk Makedonski at PIZZA LIVE part 2



Vulk Makedonski at PIZZA LIVE part 3

[Bill77]

Now this is funny.


Sharks Wary of Drunk Serbs

Dragan Stevic of Serbia is the new Egyptian hero who killed a large shark which had previously terrorized numerous tourists (injured 4 and killed 1) at the famous Egyptian resort Sarm El Sheikh.

The Serbian hero was too drunk to remember what had happened, though one of his friends who witnessed the incident explained it all for the Belgrade based media.
Dragan Stevic was portrayed in Egyptian media as Shark El Sheikh and thanked him for saving their tourist season.

Milovan Ubirapa, one of Stevic’s friend who witnessed the incident explained that Dragan had decided to go to the beach for a swim after a long night of drinking. As Dragan and his friends approached the beach, he saw a fairly high positioned jumping board utilized earlier in the day by good divers.

“Dragan climbed on the jumping board, told me to hold his beer and simply ran to jump. There was no time for me to react or to try to stop him, he just went for it” says Milovan.
“Dragan jumped high and plunged down to the sea, but didn’t make as much splash as we thought he would”, explained Milovan.

The reason could be because Dragan Stevic ended up jumping straight on the shark which was lurking near the beach, probably looking for its next victim. Dragan had nailed it right in the head, killing it instantly. The Egyptian police found the shark washed out on the beach that morning (pictured above).

Dragan was able to swim to the shore and told his friends he had twisted his ankle, telling them the water was not that soft.
The water is soft buddy, you just landed on a shark. Currently Dragan Stevic is in a hospital recovering from alcohol poisoning. After he recovers, Dragan will get a chance to have some more drinks as the resort had awarded him with a free vacation. // Pero Stamatovski

http://macedoniaonline.eu/content/view/17081/48/

open the link to see how big this shark was.

[Risto the Great]

My Dear Friends


As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you all for the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs.

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I can no longer buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

I can't even pick up the five bucks I found dropped in the car park because it was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting under my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a most unsightly hairy hump.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and it was on Good Morning Australia.

By the way.... did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[The LION will ROAR]

"Dimitri the Greek stud":
Typical Greek Nut Case who thinks his all that...
Guy's you must here the Msg this Goat Herder left..


Okay guys here is the info on this voicemail. One of my friend's from work and her friend were out one night in the SF Marina district and were hanging outside of the bars trying to find a cab. One of the girl's, Olga ends up meeting this guy Dmitri and they talk for at the most 2 minutes. She hands him her business card and says call me.

Well attached is the actual voicemail that this guy left her. Wait till you hear it you will be laughing so hard you'll fall out of your chair.

http://theshermanfoundation.blogspot.com/2008/06/some-loser-douchbags-phone-messages-to.html

Dimitri = closet homosexual, clearly after "Olga" to please his parents

[Dimko-piperkata]

Eden maz si imal 3 devojki i ne znael so koja da se ozeni. Pa taka
resil da napravi test za da vidi koja e najdobra da se ima za zena. Izvadil od banka 15.000 evra i na sekoja i dal po 5000 i im rekol:
"Trosi kolku sakas, kako sakas."


Prvata otisla vo shopping, kupila obleka, nakit, bila na frizer na
kozmeticar itn. Koga se vratila kaj mazot mu rekla: - Gi potrosiv site tvoi pari za da bidam poubava za tebe,za da ti se dopagjam. Se' toa zatoa sto te sakam.

Vtorata isto otisla vo shpping, kupila obleka, plzama televizor, iPod, teniski reketi, clenarina vo golf klub, porno filmovi itn. Koga se vratila doma mu rekla na mazot: -Gi potrosiv site pari za da te napravam sreken, za da ti se dopagjam. Se' toa zatoa sto te sakam.


Tretata zenska gi investirala parite na berza i gi duplirala. Mu vratila 5000 evra na mazot i mu rekla: -Gi investirav tvoite pari i zarabotiv moi. Sega mozam da pravam sto sakam so moite. Se toa zatoa sto te sakam.



I mazot razmisluval,
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razmisluval... (mazite razmisluvaat mnogu)



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razmisluval... (mazite mislat navistina MNOGU)



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razmisluval... (PFF, DOLGO E! )



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I se ozenil so taa so najgolemi cicki.
Bidejki mazot razmisluva mnogu ... ama na kraj sepak go pravi
istoto sranje.

[The LION will ROAR]

Complaint Letter by a Serbian

[makedonche]

tLwr

hahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I needed a good laugh this morning!

[The LION will ROAR]

Three men - a Macedonian, a Jew, and an Greek - are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Saint Peter, who prepares to let them into Heaven.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually, Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they each pay him $500.
The Macedonian pays his $500 straight away, and BANG!!, he's back in the same street he had just left. Immediately, he goes into the nearest coffee shop, and tells all of his mates his amazing story.
Of course, they don't believe him. "So," asks one mate, "if all this is true, then where's the Jew and the Greek?".
"Well," says the Macedonian, "when I left them, the Jew had him down to $100, and the Greek was arguing that the government was to blame and should pay for it".

[The LION will ROAR]

Q: What's the definition of a queer Greek?
A: A Greek who likes girls more than money.

[The LION will ROAR]

Q.Why don't we ever hear of a Greek thief stealing from a Greek politician's house?
A.Professional courtesy.

[The LION will ROAR]

Athens Newsflash: A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the library of Athens : Both books of Greek History have been lost.

[The LION will ROAR]

Did you hear about the Greek doctor who gave a patient six months to live?
When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

[makedonche]

Spiro the Greek had a much loved little dog called Zorba, one day this dog died of old age so Spiro went to his local Greek church to ask the priest if he could do a service in the church and then at the cemetery. Father Kleptos the parish priest at the local church said to Spiro, we do not do services or allow animals in the church and said to Spiro he should try the Jewish church down the road - "theyr'e a bunch of animals they won't mind dogs in their church" said Father Kleptos. Spiro thanked father Kleptos very much for his advice and said "Father Kleptos - just one more question if I may", Father Kleptos said "certainly my good Christian Greek friend, how can I help", Spiro then said "Father Kleptos do you think $10,000 is enough to offer the Jewish church to do the ceremony?" father Kleptos replies " Why didn't you tell me that Zorba was Greek Orthodox? bring him in my friend"!

[George S.]

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks
that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather
in a very secluded, rural area of macedonia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John's grandfather prepared
breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.


However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate,
and questioned his grandfather asking,

'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied,

'They're as clean as cold water can get 'em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'


For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

Again, John was concerned about the plates,
as his appeared to have tiny specks around
the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,

'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

Without looking up the old man said,

'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as
clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you
fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town
and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog
started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said,
'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.


Without diverting his attention from the football game
he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!

'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'


Coldwater was the oldman's dog!