Macedonian Humour

[The LION will ROAR]

A bus load of Greeks were driving down a country road,
when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed
into a tree in an old farmer’s field up North. The old farmer,after
Seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded
to dig a hole and bury the Greeks.
A few days later, the local Police came out, saw the crashed
bus, and asked the farmer where all the Greeks had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them. The Police then
asked the old farmer, “Were they ALL dead?” The old farmer
replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know
how them Greeks lie.”

[The LION will ROAR]

A Macedonian and a Greek drinking Coffee, and the Macedonian said to the Greek nice Turkish Coffee"
"I resent that remark." said the Greek as he rose from the Cafe table. "I'll give you 5 seconds to take that back."
"Oh yeah?" snarled the Macedonian, who upon standing was head and shoulders above the Greek. "Suppose I don't take it back in five seconds?"
"Well ..." stammered the Greek, "how much time do you need?"

[The LION will ROAR]

I wish there was a knob on Greek TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.

[The LION will ROAR]

A guy was walking down a street in Greece when a man approached from behind him and stuck a knife to the the guy's throat.
"Are you Greek or Macedonian", the assailant asked.?
The guy thought "If I say I'm Greek and he's Macedonian, I'm a dead man. If I say I'm Macedonian and he's Greek, I'm a dead man."
After a little thought, the guy said, "I'm jewish, I'M JEWISH".
"Aha," the assailant said, "I have to be the luckyest Arab in Greece!"

[The LION will ROAR]

Q: You go to a cockfight. How can you identify the Greek guy?
A: He's the one with a duck.
Q: How do you know if an Cyprian is there?
A: He bet on the duck.
Q: How do you know if the Greek Government is there?
A: The duck wins.

[The LION will ROAR]

A Macedonian man is walking down the street saying the most terrible things about Greeks to his friend. He blames the Greeks for everything, stealing Macedonian Land, Stealing Macedonian History, Trying to steal the Macedonian Name. He is cursing the Greeks in the most vile language.
Upon turning the corner they spot an Greek organ grinder with a small monkey. The Greek hating man reaches into his pocket, pulls out a few coins and places them in the cup the monkey is holding.
"You hate Greek so much. How come you did that?", his friend asks.
The Greek hater replies, "Oh, I do hate Greeks, that's for sure, but the kids are so cute when they're young."

[The LION will ROAR]

For many years in the US preceding the 11 o'clock news on TV, the announcer would say: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?"
This custom spread quickly to some other countries:
Australia: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your Beer is?"
Italy: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your husband is?"
France: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your wife is?"
Greece: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know what time it is?"

[The LION will ROAR]

A Macedonian man walks into a bar and on seeing the bar man is Greek shouts: "Gimme a Wisky Gypsy".
The Greek man tells him how that wasn`t a nice thing to say, and how would he like the same treatment. The Macedonian man explains he wouldn`t give a shit, so the Greek man says okay, you get behind the bar, and we`ll try it again. So the Macedonian man gets behind the bar and the Greek guy goes outside.
After a few seconds the Greek man comes in and says, "Gimme a drink Skop".
The Macedonian man stares at him and says "Fuck off, we don`t serve Gypsies".

[The LION will ROAR]

A young Macedonian man comes up to the Greek & Macedonian border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The Greek border guard stops him and says,What's in the bags?
Sand, answers the young Macedonian man.
The Greek guard is a bit skeptical and asks the young Macedonian man to turn over the bags for inspection. The Greek guard empties the bags, but finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the young Macedonian man overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The young Macedonian man is released and promptly rides across the border with his sand bags.
A day later, the same young Macedonian man presents himself at the border. The Greek guard asks, What have you got?
Sand, says the young Macedonian man.
The Greek guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the young man who then rides across the border on his bicycle with the sand bags.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, the young Macedonian man no longer appears at the border crossing. Many months go by and the Greek border guard sees the young Macedonian man in a cafe.
Hey, says the Greek guard, For three years you were smuggling something through my crossing station. It's driving me crazy. Just between you and me, what were you smuggling?
The young Macedonian man sips his coffee and says, Bicycles.

[The LION will ROAR]

KARAMANLIS climbs to the top of Mt. Olympus to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord...
"God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
"KARAMANLIS asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
KARAMANLIS asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."

[The LION will ROAR]

There are two solutions to the problem in Balkans, the practical solution and the miraculous solution.
The practical solution is that the Virgin Mary and Jeaus would come down and set things straight. That is the practical solution.
The miraculous solution is the Balkans would learn to compromise.

[The LION will ROAR]

A Greek, a Alabanian, and a Turk are driving in their pick-up truck. The Albanian was sitting up front with the Turk and the Greek was in the back. While driving across a bridge the Turk lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the Turk and Albanian fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the Greek came out of the water, panting and breathless.
''Where have you been?'' asked the Turk
''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!''

[The LION will ROAR]

A Macedonian wanted to have sex and give it to This Greek girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...
One day, The Macedonian got so frustrated that he went up to her and said,"I'll give you a $200 if you let me screw you". But the girl said "NO".
The Macedonian said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend
down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up".
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says,
"Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast and he won't even be able to get his pants down".
So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded,
"The barstid used coins"!

[The LION will ROAR]

A Macedonian was telling a Greek Village joke, when halfway through the local interrupts him, "Don't you know I'm Greek?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the Macedonian says, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

[The LION will ROAR]

A Greek and a Macedonian
> >>
> >> A Greek and a Macedonian are sitting next to each other on a
> >> long flight. The Greek is thinking that Macedonians are so dumb that he
> >> could get over on them easy...So the Greek asks if the Macedonian would
> >> like to play a fun game.
> >>
> >> The Macedonian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he
> >> politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The Greek persists,
> >> and says that the game is a lot of fun.
> >>
> >> 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
> >> you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the
> >> answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the Macedonian's
> >> attention and to keep the Greek quiet, he agrees to play the game.
> >>
> >> The Greek asks the first question.'What's the distance
> >> from The Earth to the Moon?' The Macedonian doesn't say a word, reaches
> >> in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the Greek.
> >>
> >> Now, it's the Macedonian's turn. He asks the Greek,'What
> >> goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer
> >> uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He
> >> sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
> >>
> >> After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes
> >> up the Macedonian and hands him $500. The Macedonian pockets the $500
> >> and
> >> goes right back to sleep.
> >>
> >> The Greek is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes
> >> the Macedonian up and asks,'Well, so what goes up a hill with three
> >> legs
> >> and comes down with four?'
> >>
> >> The Macedonian reaches in his pocket, hands the Greek $5 and
> >> goes back to sleep.
> >>
> >>
> >> DON'T MESS WITH MACEDONIAN'S.