Macedonian Humour

[The LION will ROAR]

Gruevski phones Dora Bakoyannis at her home and says: "I want to speak to Dora Bakoyannis ."
The Mother replies, "I'm sorry but she died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The Mother replies,
"I told you yesterday, she died last week."
The next day Gruevski calls again and asks to speak to Dora Bakoyannis.
By this time the Mother is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling
you, Dora Bakoyannis died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
Gruevski says, "Because I just love hearing it."

[The LION will ROAR]

Two GREEK farmers were discussing politics and the first one says: "I believe in a share and share alike policy. One where we are all equal."
"Well" replied the other GREEK "I'm not sure about that. What you mean is that if you have two horses you'd give me one?"
"Of course" says the first.
The second GREEK continued: "and of you had two cars, you'd give me one of them too?"
"absolutely"
"So" says the second GREEK, "if you had two Donkeys then you'd give me one of them?"
"ah, now hang on a minute" says the first, "you know I've got two Donkeys!"

[The LION will ROAR]

One day KARAMANLIS is going to give a speech at a Greek School. He asks the teacher what the children are studying and she replies that they are learning about Greek Tragedies. So the President decides to talk about Tragedies. He asks a student, "What would you consider to be a tragedy?"
The kid thinks for awhile and then says, " If a boy is running after a ball into a street and gets run over by a car and dies."
KARAMANLIS responds, "No, I don't think that's a tragedy... that's an accident." Then KARAMANLIS asks another kid to give an example of a tragedy.
The kid says, "If a bus full of kids drives over a cliff and they all die."
This time KARAMANLIS says, "I don't think that's a tragedy... I think that's a great loss." So again KARAMANLIS asks another kid to give an example of a tragedy.
The kid responds, "If you, KARAMANLIS , and DORA are on Air Plane and it crashes."
"Right!" says KARAMANLIS to the kid. "That would be a tragedy... how did you ever know that?"
Quickly, the kid replies, " Because I know it's not an accident and I know it's not a great loss."

[The LION will ROAR]

A GREEK and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."
"No problem," said the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn.
"What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you , but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door,
"What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"
Well, that leaves only the GREEK to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn.
Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

[The LION will ROAR]

Two GREEKS boarded a shuttle out of Germany for Australia. One
sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before
take-off a Macedonian guy got on and took the aisle seat next
to the GREEKS.
He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the
GREEK in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a
coke."
"No problem," said the Macedonian. "I'll get it for you." While he was
gone, the GREEK picked up the Macedonian shoe and spat in it.
When the Macedonian returned with the coke, the other GREEK said,
"That looks good. I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Macedonian obligingly went to fetch it, and while he was gone
the other GREEK picked up the other shoe and spat in it.
The Macedonian returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed
the flight to Australia. As the plane was landing, the Macedonian
slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had
happened.
"How long must this go on?" the Macedonian asked. "This enmity between our
peoples... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and
pissing in cokes?"

[The LION will ROAR]

A Macedonian corner's a GREEK down an alley, He hands him a dice and say if you throw a 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 I am going to kick the shit out of you. Seeing a possible escape the GREEK says what happens if i throw a 6? You get another go.

[The LION will ROAR]

NEWSFLASH: 50,000 dead in GREECE earthquake, an EU crisis meeting took place today. Germany are going to provide food relief, France medical aid. TURKEY will send replacements.

[The LION will ROAR]

Chinese skimming stones at a lake. everytime it skims it makes a sound "ching, chang, chong" or "ping, pang, pong". A GREEK walks up and asks him what he's doing. the Chinese says everytime i skim a stone it sing out the names of my ancestors.

The GREEK has a go and it goes "chim, pan, zee"

[The LION will ROAR]

A GREEK journalist sees a young boy being attacked by a Pit Bull.
Suddenly, a man runs over and wrestles the dog off of the boy and chokes it to death.
"That's amazing!" says the GREEK journalist, "I'm gonna write a story about you. I'll call it 'GREEK MAN SAVES BOY'"
"But I'm not GREEK" replies the man.
"Okay, how about 'BULGARIAN MAN SAVES THE DAY'? the reporter asks.
"But I'm not BULGARIAN either. I'm from MACEDONIA" the man answers.

The next day, the paper runs with the headline 'MACEDONIAN KILLS FAMILY PET'.

[The LION will ROAR]

An GREEK family was considering putting their grandfather PAPA'DOPE'ALOS in a nursing home. All the GREEK facilities were completely full so they had to put him in a Macedonian home. After a few weeks in the Macedonian facility, they came to visit Grandpa:
'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson.
'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, says grandpa.
'We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from the Macedonians.
''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, 'PAPA'DOPE'ALOS says with a big smile. 'There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!
"There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!
''There's a dentist here -- 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?!
'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me The Farcking GREEK'

[The LION will ROAR]

Two Soccer teams, one of all Greeks and one of all Macedonians, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend Soccer tournament in Ohrid. The Macedonian team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Greek team rides on the top level. The Macedonian team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the Greeks upstairs. He decides to go up and investigate. When the Macedonian reaches the top, he finds all the Greeks frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. He says, What the heck's going on up here? We're having a grand time downstairs! One of the Greeks looks up and says, Yeah, but you've got a driver!

[The LION will ROAR]

There was a competition between a team of Greeks and a team of Macedonians to see who could catch the most fish icefishing.
Once the contest started, it was clear that the Macedonians were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the greeks got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the Macedonians were doing differently. A few minutes later, the Greeks comes running back.
"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"

[Demos]

Guess how many jokes we have about Macedonians?

Answer: Zero

Reason: You're irrelevant...

[The LION will ROAR]

Guess how many jokes we have about Macedonians?

Answer: Zero

Reason: You're irrelevant...

Q: Why are there no Macedonian jokes?
A: Because Greeks would have to think them up.

[The LION will ROAR]

Q. What's wrong with Greek jokes?
A. Greeks don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.